I blog too much..

but today, I experienced so many emotions. it was ridiculous. I felt really tired, happy, annoyed, pissed off, angry, touched, sad, excited, unloved, loved, hyper, nostalgic, relaxed, critical, concerned, nonchalant, thankful. maybe that’s all the time. (& some of those are just synonyms of the previous words) I guess today wasn’t that special. nevermind. I don’t even have emotions.  

okay, so I still do want to leave

but today was really beautiful I have to say

SO PRETTY outside

great weather

and I got to just 딩구러 (is that even spelled right/a real word? translation: roll around) on the green and just do nothing. SO NICE. 

seriously, when am I ready for anything?  (answer: never)

but I am SO EXCITED to go. so excited to pause this current life and return to it with a renewed mind and heart. I REALLY NEED A CHANGE. I’m such a shitty person and even so, I just love myself more than anyone else.

you know that song, so sick (of love songs) or whatever? well, I’m not sick of love songs, but everything else. Cognitive dissonance. feeling out of place everywhere. feeling like a people pleaser. feeling unloved. being so concerned about things that don’t matter. being insecure. being judged. judging others. and feeling like I can’t even blog about things on my mind and my crajee emotions sometimes because it may make me vulnerable. because it may negatively distort people’s image of me more or something.

BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER! OH MY GOSH! 

I am SO NOT READY to go to Tunisia, but I AM SO READY to leave. Please let this experience exceed the expectations I made just now. take me away.

sometimes I see pictures on facebook and think its me 

but it’s not

…..

CSB. (cool story bro, just in case you didn’t get that) 

I will not be afraid. 

I love whistling. 

same song on repeatt!!

elephanty:

4:50 am.

weary.

god i look to you on repeat.